Dragon Ball Z: The Kakarot Rewrite
by Wrathful Archer
Summary: Funny how one event can drastically change the fate of the world. In one world, a child bumped his head and became the world's greatest hero. But, what would have happened if he had never bumped his head? Eventually, I want to reach Z, but that's going to take awhile. AU.


Episode 1: The Child In The Woods

The only sound that could be heard for miles around was that of nature. The running streams, the sound of birds chirping and flying, pterodactyl's flying through the sky, tigers hunting, monkeys rustling through the trees, a giant wooden wheel rolling down hill with an eleven year old balancing on, wielding a giant sword, the blade of which must have been about twice his height alone.

On second thoughts, some would question whether or not that last one was nature or not.

The child had an almost unreadable expression on his features, beyond the corners of his mouth being pointed ever so slightly down. He was wearing a blue martial arts gi that looked like it had seen better days, as there were at least a dozen holes covering the outfit. If someone were to spot this child, though, they would probably be more focused on the monkey tail swishing around behind him, then his face or outfit.

The wheel hit a bump and flew into the air, the extra bump sent the child into the air himself. Without missing a beat he flipped in the air, and landed back on the wheel, tail flicking for balance.

He sighed, "Same old, same old."

Several times after he'd end up flipping or speeding up on the wheel. This was almost an automatic response to him at this point.

After a fairly short trek through a forest, the child forcefully stopped the wheel in front of a small building, made of bricks and with a blue tiled roof.

The child hopped off, and did a quick stretch for what he was about to do. Running down hill on a wooden wheel was easy, the next step required more effort.

He pushed the wheel till it was flat on the ground. He took a deep breath, and with all his might he jumped. He must have gone at least ten feet before doing a flip and stretching his left leg out in a kicking pose. He was about to perform a sky drive kick of sorts, on a wheel of wood.

After a brief moment his foot made contact with wood, and said wood exploded into several randomly sized shards.

For a moment, just one moment, he smiled at his work. Hitting things brought a strange sensation, sort of like adrenaline rushing through his system when ever he wanted.

This amazing feeling only lasted a moment, then he returned to be basically unemotional.

He started to gather the wood up, but stopped when his stomach started rumbling. He glanced down, and nodded to himself.

"I guess its dinner time." Without another thought he dashed towards the forest, his nose trained on the smell of wild animals and tasty fruit.

* * *

><p>About a mile away, there was one car driving up a narrow road around the mountains. It was the only car for miles. The driver must have known this, because she stopped the car.<p>

She'd been driving for hours, and needed a quick stretch. She got out of the car, and did just that.

It might be relevant to note that this girl was dressed to stand out, wearing a short cut pink dress, that showed of her legs. There also letters running across the chest, BULMA.

The fact that she had blue hair didn't do anything to help her blend in to any sort of crowd.

After her stretch she found herself reaching into her hip bag, and pulling out a strange device. It was like a pocket watch, but it was the size of her hand. She pressed the button on top and the device made a ding noise for a second, then the screen lit up with a green grid and five yellow dots scattered around.

Two dots were together, one dot that was pretty close to the first two was flashing, and the last two were miles of her current location. This information made her smirk for a moment.

"You're as good as mine, you little jewel." Feeling a renewed eagerness, she got back into her car, set off again, following her device's readings.

* * *

><p>The child hadn't realised how hungry he'd really been. As soon as his nose had located some apples that were in season, he climbed the tree, found a nice seat on the branch, and started eating.<p>

The fruit was sweet, and the boy loved sweet things, but he was going to need more than these apples to last to tomorrow.

For a second he stopped. His nose had picked up a new scent. He glanced down, and saw a saber-tooth cat. It was giant, and in quite good shape. The child found himself staring at the cat's mouth. His _head _could fit in there.

The feeling of adrenaline rushing through his system returned, and he felt at peace, even with the crazy idea that was passing through his head.

He plucked a fresh apple from the tree, and with all his force, threw it at the saber-tooth cat. It solid contact with the feline's head. There was a moment were the cat was quite clearly dazed. The child allowed himself a rare laugh.

That seemed to bring the cat back to its senses, as it glanced up for a split second, before pouncing.

Time seemed to slow, the cat was in the air, flying towards the child. The boy in question sat perfectly still, waiting. As the cat got closer, its mouth wide open ready to bite the poor boy's head off, the child's last thought before reacting was, _'Wow, my head_ can_ fit in there.'_

After that thought the child swung back, falling as the cat went over head. The child didn't meet the harsh ground, however, as his tail had wrapped around the tree branch.

He hung there upside down, watching in a strange sort of amusement as the cat went landed on its side. As it got up it appeared to be in pain, and the sound of childish giggling coming from the strange monkey boy wasn't helping.

"What's the matter, is the widdle kitty hurt?" Apparently the cat could understand him, because it charged again, its glare quite terrifying. The child started swinging like a pendulum, and as soon as the cat got too close, the child used that extra momentum to chop the cat's neck.

There was a sickening crack, and the sabre-toothed cat skidded to a stop, dead.

The child drop, landing on all fours. For a moment he wiped his hands on his trousers, and walked in front of the massive cat.

"You could've made it more fun for me, you know." Without another thought on the matter, he reacted underneath the cat, and with great effort lifted it off the ground.

Then he started walking back to his temple at a calm pace. Cat's were harder for him to cook than something like fish, but he had been hungry for some proper meat, so he wasn't complaining too much.

He retreated back into his mind for the moment, he found that this made time, or less interesting tasks, pass faster for him.

He eventually found himself back at the little temple where he'd been staying. Everything seemed in order, the fire would was where he left it, the temple was left basically untouched since he left. He could smell what he believed to be a monkey, but keeping the wild life away was difficult so he wasn't that bothered.

He continued, and when he got to the door, he rested the cat against the wall. He was going to need a knife, some flint, and...he lost his train of thought.

The temple was basically one room, he didn't even really live in it, he normally slept outside except when he was scared too. Beyond the knife that he sometimes used for cooking, he didn't really move much in this room. In the middle of the wall farthest from the door was a small table with a red pillow resting on top.

On top of the pillow rested one of the few things in this world that he honestly cared about. It was an orange sphere, with four deeper orange stars floating inside.

He'd seen the strange item many times before, but he'd never seen it glow. Which it was doing right now, for about three seconds, before it stopped.

He blinked his eyes. Then again, "Okay, that was weird."

The items strange behaviour was interesting, but it would have to wait till after he'd eaten. He found the knife he was looking for, then left the temple again.

He dragged the cat a fair bit from the temple, just encase the fire spread, and sighed happily for a moment. He was finally going to eat.

He was going to start chopping the cat into piece, but then something he couldn't possibly have predicted happened.

He got hit by a car.

To be fair, the driver had tried to stop, but to little use as he still went flying till he hit the temple face first.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" A worried voice rang through the air. The voice sounded different to anything the child had ever heard before. He couldn't quite place the difference, nor was he in the right state of mind for it.

He got up from the ground, a glare present on his features.

"Okay, I don't know _what_ that machine is, but I do know that it's never going to work again!" He quickly appeared by the side of the car, the woman inside could have sworn he didn't move, but he had.

With the strength that only pure rage could give, he lifted the car and tossed it. As was to be expected, the woman inside screamed murder. A moment passed and the car landed on its side, smoke lifting up from the engine.

"Hey, if you're still alive in there, come out so I can kill you myself!"

He heard a whimper, and it annoyed him further. What kind of person was he dealing with?

The head of a blue hair woman rose from the window, and suddenly it all made sense. He also felt pretty bad now.

"Oh, your a-" Before he could get his words out she was shooting him. Within moments he was screaming in pain.

She suddenly stopped, with a look of horror on her face, "What did I just do?" She hadn't expected this. She had just gunned down a child.

"Those things sting! But don't worry, it'll take more than that to kill me!" As he spoke he bounced up again. Several shades of colour left the girl's face at that moment, _'What is this is kid?'_

Well she was freaking out, he got getting closer. He walked around her, studying her appearance. Soft facial features, higher voice, certain physical features that he was lacking, he was pretty sure. He was looking at a girl.

Though, he couldn't be a hundred percent certain of this, as he had very little knowledge of the difference between boys and girls. A smirk found itself to his face, a chance to learn was just one more thing that led him to improvement. Or at least that's what he'd been telling himself for the last several months. With that thought in mind he lowered himself to he ground and had a look under her dress. He found himself smirking, but he didn't know why.

Suddenly she seemed to realise what was going on, and moved to the side as she glared at him in annoyance. She had seen his smirk, and had a pretty good idea what was going through his mind.

"What are you looking at?" They met eyes, and he realised that he had a very small window to respond. Taking a chance he said,

"Sorry, just admiring a pretty girl is all." She rolled her eyes, but a small smile graced her lips. That was all he needed. It informed him that he'd been right, and the complement had worked it's part.

"Glad to see your eyes work, kid." He smiled back at her, it was a false smile. He was pretty good at faking his emotions, or least he thought he was. His brain was thinking, _'If my Mentor didn't have a tail, and she doesn't have tail, then why do I?' _He decided to distract himself from a question he couldn't answer.

"Excuse me, but I was just wondering, that machine I just threw earlier, what is it called?" He didn't like asking for help, and she didn't make it any better. She poorly hid a laugh at his lack of knowledge.

"That's a car, silly!" His face lit up.

"Oh, so that's what a car looks like! My Mentor told me about them, but I've never seen one before."

She seemed interested for a moment, and he wondered if she was pondering questions to ask him like he was for her.

"Hey kid, you're pretty strong for a guy your size." He smirked again, something he greatly enjoyed doing.

"Yeah I am. I owe some of that to my Mentor, but most of it's all me!" She rolled her eyes at his boasting.

"You've mentioned that Mentor of your twice now. I can I see him? I need to ask him something." That broke his smile for a moment, but only a moment. He sighed, and turned to her.

"Sorry, he's dead."

"Oh." There was silence for a moment, she had no idea what to say to that. Luckily, his stomach rumbled, reminding him of how hungry he was. He blushed as he turned to his guest.

"Hey, seeing as I destroyed your car, could I treat you to something to eat?" She stared at him with a strange look for a moment, before reaching into her bag. She pulled out a strange device, and after pressing a button and looking straight the temple, she smiled.

"Sure, that sounds good!" Suddenly he was back on alarm. He watched her carefully as she reached into her bag and pulled out a small box. She pulled out a little capsule, pressed a button on top and threw it at the wrecked car. In a poof of smoke the car disappeared.

He hid his surprise well. She turned to him again, a smile on her face.

"So kid, after we eat what's the agenda?"

"Well, obviously eating first, we could talk, about anything really but you might have to explain some stuff to me. And I guess after that, we could play together if you wanted."

Quickly her face shifted into a look of mild disgust, "Listen kid, I don't know what you're thinking up, but if it's something improper, then forget it."

It took him three seconds to realise what she meant, "Oh, that sucks. Tag then?"

She blinked at him, confused by how he reacted. No blush, no disappointment. He basically shrugged, and asked to play a game. That was pretty weird, as far as she was concerned.

"Ok, that sounds fine. Let's go."

"Oh, just wait here. I've already got lunch set up, sort of." He ran back to the temple, and for the first time she noticed the sabre-toothed cat. Her mouth dropped in shock.

He dragged it over, with a knife, some flint, and a couple of pieces of firewood. She wasn't sure if she was more shocked that he killed a sabre-toothed cat, or that he managed to carry all that stuff at once. Oh wait, she knew. Killing the cat was much more shocking.

He started scrapping the cat's fur off with his knife. She felt that this was going to be a long wait, so she might as well try and make it go faster.

"I should have asked earlier, but what's your name?"

He stopped what he was doing for a moment to stare at the girl, his face seemed to be some sort of deep conflict.

"I'm...Kakarot. K, A, K, A, R, O, T, Kakarot." Her face scrunched up in confusion. That was quite a strange name, and she couldn't for the life of her figure out what part of the planet such a name would have come from.

"That's quite a strange name you've there, Kakarot." He didn't seem annoyed at the response.

"Yeah, I know. What's your name?"

"My name's Bulma, nice to meet you." Bulma smiled at Kakarot, who smiled back as he absently started gutting the animal. He slashed the knife up the undercarriage, revealing the creatures guts to the world.

Bluma's features slowly turned green with disgust. She liked meat, but she hadn't seen the process before.

Kakarot placed the knife behind him and put his hand inside the cat and started ripping the guts out. And that was when she turned away from Kakarot as he continued.

The conversation didn't start up again for a while. Bulma wouldn't look at him, but she heard noises.

"Hey, could you go inside the temple and grab my spit? I forgot to grab it earlier." Bulma nodded frantically.

Without looking at Kakarot or that poor cat, she made a dash for the temple. It was really small inside.

She forgot what she was doing completely.

Sitting on a pillow, on a table, in the middle of nowhere, was the treasure she'd been looking for.

"I can't believe it. That kid has one of the Dragon Balls!" She found sly smirk on her features as she walked closer to the Dragon Ball.

_'He probably doesn't even know what that is! He'll never miss it.' _With that thought in mind, she picked up the Dragon Ball.

"See, I get that it might have been a tricky task, grabbing a spit, so let me help!" Kakarot said from behind her, with false humour in his voice, "You see, that isn't a spit. Hand it over."

Bulma laughed weakly, and threw the ball over to Kakarot. He stared at the dragon ball with confusion, as it had started glowing again.

"Really need to figure out what that's about." He mumbled to himself. Bulma overheard him, and grinned, as she believed she had found a work around.

"Oh, that. It's doing that because of me." Kakarot focused on her again with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay, explain."

She reached into her bag, and pulled out two Dragon Balls. Despite himself, Kakarot looked visibly shocked.

"So you have two of these things." Kakarot quickly reasoned that if his ball had four stars that probably meant there was at least four of these things hand around. Where they important?

"They're called Dragon Balls, and I really need yours." She gave him a pleading look, her eyes sparkled, and she smiled at him. Kakarot was interested, mostly because this was the most excitement he'd had ever since his Mentor died.

"Mine? What for?" Bulma looked looked up in thought.

"Well, if you really want to know, these jewels have the power to do great things. And not so great things, in the wrong hands."

* * *

><p>The door opened to reveal a dark throne room, along both walls there were rows of suits of armour. At the end of the room, resting on yet another pillow, was a Dragon Ball. The group that entered the room were quite bizarre, at least together anyways.<p>

In the lead there was a short imp like creature with blue skin, wearing a strange hat. To his left was a young woman, dressed in gray, and to his right was a dog that walked up right and dressed like a ninja.

"It looks dark in there." The dog said, quite frightened of the cold dark room in front of them.

"Shut up, Shu." The imp said, a smirk on his features. He dashed over to the Dragon Ball, and picked it up.

"Finally I, Emperor Pilaf, can have my wish!" Pilaf laughed, quite happy with the way the day was going.

"Sorry, but you actually need all seven of the Dragon Balls. We need to do more searching."

Emperor Pilaf sighed, and turned to the woman, "Mai, I know that. I'm pretty sure everyone reading this as well knows that. Why are we even pretending that I don't know?"

"Because this is how it happened in Episode 1, and we have to reflect that." Mai rolled her eyes in annoyance.

Shu made a noise before joining the conversation, "Weren't we told something about breaking the fourth wall?"

"Probably. Oh, forget it, yes yes, we'll return to searching." Emperor Pilaf rubbed his eyes, quite tired, "Just cut back to Goku already."

"Actually, sir, I think he's called Kakarot now." Mai corrected her boss.

"Do I Care?" Emperor Pilaf turned around, and left the castle.

* * *

><p>"So, your saying that with these I could wish for anything?" All the ideas that rushed through Kakarot's mind. A part of his mind reminded him that it sounded impossible.<p>

"Yep! I want to gather all of them, so I can wish for a boyfriend!" Bulma started making an annoying high pitched squeaking sound. Kakarot was quite surprised when he heard it.

"I see. Too bad no one's ever going to use the Dragon Balls." This seemed to shock Bulma out of her lust filled daydream. She stared opened mouthed as Kakarot walked past her and grabbed the spit that was resting against the wall.

"What do you mean?!" Bulma's voice was doing that shrieking thing again. Kakarot was contemplating killing her, but thought better of it.

"Well, this used to belong to my Mentor. You recall, the dead one? There's no way I'd just let you take it." Kakarot thought that would be enough, but after he a moment Bulma was looking at him with a flirty grin.

"How about this, we'll trade!" Trade? Despite himself, he was interested in what she hoped she could offer him.

She pulled bottom of her dress up, and turned to him, exposing her panties.

One word dominated Kakarot's thoughts, and that word was, _'What.'_

"You let me have your Dragon Ball, and I'll let you have a little peek." Within seconds Kakarot's face lit up like a Christmas tree.

Kakarot took a deep breath, and calmed down. He looked at her with a smirk, "Oh please, if you want this Dragon Ball it's going to take more than just a peek."

Now it was Bulma's turn to blush. She giggled nervously.

"Okay, I have an idea."

"I'm listening."

"You're really strong, not only that, but your bullet proof! So how about you come with me, help me get the other four balls, and when we have them all, then I'll reward you." Bulma smiled nervously, and Kakarot's brain rushed into overdrive.

_'Is she ying? Probably, I would in her situation. But still, how do I feel about it?' _Kakarot looked around the small room, _'I could have so much more. Maybe I should...'_

"Okay, Bulma, you've got yourself a deal. But I'm keeping my ball till we have the rest, you got that?"

Bulma nodded, a look of victory on her features.

"Sure, now that I've got you, there's no way I could fail!"

"But, considering our deal..." A blush covered his cheeks, as he held out his hand, "You gotta shake on it."

Bulma let out another nervous giggle, but she still took his hand. After a firm shake, they parted.

"Great, this'll be so much fun! But first, can we eat?" Bulma nodded, and they left the temple.

Balma was pleased to note that the guts weren't anywhere insight. Kakarot started cooking with the spit, and the new partners enjoyed roasted sabre-toothed cat.

Balma had to admit that it was better then she thought it was going to be. She turned to Kakarot,

"So, read to go?" He nodded, a satisfied grin on his face.

"Sure, just let me go get something from inside." Kakarot disappeared inside the temple and returned a minute later with a red coloured wooded pole, and a bag designed solely to keep it in.

"We can leave now." Bulma nodded, and got up.

The two partners walked down the road, off towards unknown adventures and dangers.

* * *

><p><span>End of Chapter 1.<span>

Word Count: 4152

I know this isn't the most original idea. But I've wondered what would've happened if Goku hadn't bumped his head. So what do I do? I start writing from the first episode! This is going to be a challenge.


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